And why did ‘I’ have to take a cab? Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. Check it out, y’all. Everyone who was invited is here. I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I” have to pay ”them’! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?
When I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Hubert Farnsworth, I thought “Why should I?” Then later, Leela made the film. But if I did make it, you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film! Leela, Bender, we’re going grave robbing. I haven’t felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. Good news, everyone! There’s a report on TV with some very bad news! Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Soothe us with sweet lies.
- Oh God, what have I done?
- Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
- Is that a cooking show?
The Late Philip J. Fry
Hell Is Other Robots
Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… That’s right, baby. I ain’t your loverboy Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anyone pretending to be him! OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
- I just told you! You’ve killed me!
- Check it out, y’all. Everyone who was invited is here.
- Too much work. Let’s burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.
- I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!
Three Hundred Big Boys
That could be ‘my’ beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing. I didn’t ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy! You’re going back for the Countess, aren’t you? Actually, that’s still true. Tell them I hate them.
Too much work. Let’s burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. What kind of a father would I be if I said no? When the lights go out, it’s nobody’s business what goes on between two consenting adults.
Oh God, what have I done? Now Fry, it’s been a few years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species: fatal or non-fatal? Oh, you’re a dollar naughtier than most. This is the worst part. The calm before the battle. You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see! It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?
I’m a thing. Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! No, just a regular mistake. Is the Space Pope reptilian!? Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans! I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!
Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of ‘will’? With gusto. Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!
Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. Do a flip! Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. Meh.